Getting My Face Out There (And Winning, Too!)

(Interesting note: I would have had this written and put up last night, but well, when you fall asleep at 11pm on a Friday fully clothed, with the lights on, and in the middle of playing video games, you probably needed the rest [which I did after this week].)

You know what's cool?

Fame. Even if it's only temporary, and even if it's only on the Internet.

You know what's better than achieving said fame?

Achieving said fame while winning a contest.

You know what's even better that achieving said fame while winning a contest?

Achieving said fame, winning said contest, and doing so without putting a damn ounce of effort into it.

Now, this isn't just simple musing. Because I have achieved such a thing. You may remember me talking about how a question I asked was featured on the Magic: The Gathering main page. However, a pseudonymous question doesn't...well, it's not the best way to get your face out there (unless you were very good at ASCII Art). However, a picture - specifically a picture of you, is.

So, when a contest appeared on internationally-read and well-respected video game news blog Kotaku, I didn't do anything...mainly because I didn't read about it. And even though one of my readers has had a couple pictures placed (and unfortunately lampooned by commenters) on their website, I personally have never had any prestige on the site, outside my own comments (which were admittedly not terribly prestigious). However, a reminder about the contest was put up about an hour before it finished, saying the following:

We're giving away a copy of DS scary game Dementium: The Ward in our cosplay contest. But not just any old cosplay contest! Oh no. We're doing a bandage cosplay contest. Meaning? If you have toilet paper, you can enter. If you have band-aids, you can enter. Just cover yourself in bandage, and you are good to go.

Hmmm....wrap myself up in toilet paper? Why does that...sound...familiar...?

Ah!

I must make a side comment about this picture: Personally, I think this picture is perfect. All the elements blend perfectly together: a big, goateed guy in a toilet paper dress, chest hair, an odd-looking sad face, the paleness, the watch and ring, the M&Ms and Wii box in the background, the fact that the top of my head is cut off...it just works. And it's me, so that's a plus.

And so, putting forth no effort, I submitted that picture, along with this little description:

This is me wrapped up in toilet paper, cosplaying as....a bride? Yes, that is a wedding dress, and yes, I did make it myself. You'll find it's fairly difficult to wrap toilet paper around your own (pale) torso. That's why I had to stop sorta halfway through. However, I was sure to cover the nipples. 'Cause, you know, a wedding dress that doesn't conceal nipples isn't a very good wedding dress...

"But Andrew," you say, "didn't that description at least require some effort?" No! The fact is, I had made up that entire spiel (give or take a few words) just several days after the contest was finished. All I had to do was retrieve the memory floating at the top of my brain like some sort of pond scum.

So, I a couple hours after submitting the picture, it was selected as one of the 10 finalists, which were placed up for voting. It seems that voting articles on that site get more comments than normal; this one got over 280. And wanna know something? I won. It's not official, but I have more votes than anyone else. Using pictures and descriptions many moons old, I was able to beat all these hard-working enthusiasts at their own game. Now that's satisfying.

What's more satisfying, though, is the fact that it's literally being seen by thousands. In case you don't remember, one of my big goals is to become viral. I want something I make, do, or say to propagate itself accross the Internet. That's why I have neither my MySpace or Facebook accounts set to private. Let them see, I say, and let them spread! The moment something I create is considered a fad, I can say I'll die a happier man. This picture could be that opportunity!

But enough about that; let's focus on the present, and take a look at my competition (this is if you didn't click the link to the voting page above).










As you can see, some of these people actually put in quite a bit of time and effort into their costumes. Still, my incidental submission demolished them all. According to my crude measurements, the voting went like this.
#1 (Me): 90
#2: 6
#3: 2
#4: 11
#5: 12
#6: 14
#7: 1
#8: 36
#9: 41
#10: 57

Interesting to see how the voting was heavily skewed towards the beginning (that is, me) and the last three. For the most part, I would agree with the ranks of all of the entries.

At the time of me writing this, the official results haven't been announced, so let's just look at some of my favorite comments from the voting (with my thoughts in bold red):

Now, there were a group of comments that looked like the following.

- #1 For feeding us his dignity
- #1 since that must have been embarrassing.
- After getting laughed at by all his friends for dressing up as a bride, he's gonna need something to cheer him up.
- #1 because his picture will haunt him for years to come, so he should at least get a game to go with that humiliation.
- #1. If he doesn't win, he actually has something to lose (his dignity).

Obviously, these people have absolutely no idea who I am. In any event, for every comment insisting that this was potential blackmail material, there was one like these:

-Special mention to #1 for being the only entry to make zero attempt at concealing the contestants identity, and feature him in a dress...
...holding flowers.
-You know you're a badass when you can post a pic of yourself to the intarweb, face fully exposed, while wearing a dress made of toilet paper.
-Wow! I'm finalist #2. I must say #1 has some balls! His facial expression is right on. My vote goes to him.

These people also have absolutely no idea who I am. :P In addition to the description and the TP dress itself, there were two things that people really found funny - my facial expression (as one supporter said, "Making faces like that in a contest shouldn't be allowed.") and my chest hair:

- Your a wife! dam it shave your chest :p
- There's something oddly erotic about a manbride with superfluous chest hair...
- #1 gets my vote. The lighting, the roses, the chest hair...it all comes together so nicely. Well done.

And the rest of the best...

- #1 Throw in a few tanning salon visits and a book on Manscaping, he doesn't have to go metro. He does need to lose that nerd tan, its too low to be a farmers.

I actually had to look up what "manscaping" was before I fully understood the comment. And frankly, if it that and free tanning was included as part of the prize package, I'd accept it with open, pale arms!

- #1 Looks like a bride that just found out the groom bailed with one of the bridesmaids.

Mother always told me there'd be days like this...

- Dude looks like a lady.

That! That...

- Halloween... An excuse for men to cross-dress and for women to dress like tramps...

Truer words were never spoken.

- I vote for #1. What a handsome devil he is!
>_>
<_<>_>

In case you can't tell, this was actually me talking. However, nobody may have noticed, seeing as my user name was misspelled (as it often is) as "Neo_Dues". Even though misspelling my name is a huge pet peeve of mine, I didn't correct them with my usual "Like a god, not a tax" quip.

- #1 simply because i would marry his toilet paper wearing pale buttocks.

The only part about this comment that I found creepy was the fact that I couldn't tell if it was from a man or a woman.

- almost went with #1, but he lost my vote because a dress that doesn't cover nipples is the BEST kind of dress.

Well, I will concede that it is apparently the most newsworthy kind.

- #1, he could've been even more creative and put band-aids on his nipples.

While this may indeed have been seen as more creative, I fear it would have appeared like I was part of some Bay Area S&M scene (and I'm sure there is one).

- My wife votes for '#1 as this may be the only wedding he ever gets to.'

Ouch, madame, ouch. That's one name taken off of my wedding invitation list.

- Honorable Mention: #1, the dress actually looks nice, but the fact that choice in flower color didn't properly compliment his eyes cost him my vote. Better luck next time.

I guess there's no pleasing everyone. Well, as long as you please the plurality, that's all that matters. (Democracy in action!)

- #1 deserves the win and INTERNET FAME!

And hopefully I will!

So scour the Internet in the upcoming days, weeks, and months. If someone posts up this picture, repost it. If someone sends you an email saying "FoWaRd ThIs To 10 PeOpLe Or HaIrY mAn BrIdE wIlL fInD yOu!1!!!11!!!", for the love of God, forward it! Let my online takeover be consensual, not imposed! Together, we can do this!

And, as a way to wrap this all up, here is what we've learned today:

Today's Lesson - Never try at anything, because Andrew Schnorr will beat you without putting any effort into it.