Raindrops Keep *Not* Fallin' on My Head...

There's something I love about southern California.

In Berkeley, if someone says there is going to be rain, there is going to be rain. You bring an umbrella with you and hope for the best.

In southern California, a lonely man could cry and it'd be considered precipitation.

Right now, we're in "Storm Watch" mode in LA. This means that every news story is about the weather, every Breaking Report is about "more storms on the way!" Everywhere I turn, there is somebody talking about "the storms." So why have I not put heavy investment into the umbrella market.

Well, if you've ever lived in SoCal, you know that these storm watches mean absolutely nothing. As my friend, the Comrade Chavez says, "You could sneeze in LA and they'd call it a storm."

I have two potential explanations for this. First, it could be that people from SoCal are made of so much sugar that we get diabetes from just looking at each other. Hence, we feel that even the lightest rain will cause a melting of wicked witch-like proportions.

The other explanation is that SoCal people are desperate for a storm. It makes us feel like we're in the big leagues. Think about it. The southeast have their hurricanes, the midwest have their tornadoes. What natural disasters do we have? Earthquakes? That's pretty good, if you enjoy maddening irregularity. No, we need something, anything to make us feel afraid on an annual basis. And "Storm Watch" does exactly this. It makes us feel like something big is coming. That we need to hunker down and prepare ourselves. It happens nearly every year, and every year, I say it's all just hype.

And every year, I am proven correct. The whole thing is just smoke and mirrors to use when there's no celebrity scandals for the news stations to report on. Yes, there's some rain, but so far, I have not even bothered to bring an umbrella. It's just that pathetic. The only time my windshield wipers were on full-bore was when I was driving at freeway speed down The 110.

There was an email I remember getting a few years ago about the after effects of one of these storms. It builds up the damage and horror of the storm, as so many of the news stations do, and then it's photographic punchline detailing the damage is a picture of a somewhat-wet patio with a single, knocked-over deck chair. Sad as it is, it doesn't seem like things are going to change anytime soon.

NOTE: If I'm found drowned in torrential rains in the upcoming week, I will allow the Weather Channel to say "I told you so."